I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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