I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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