I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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