It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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