Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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