they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
