so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
