is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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