i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
