We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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