first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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