dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
