1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
