I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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