Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
