Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
