seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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