Ketchup is God's man juice
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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