I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
