So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
