how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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