So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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