why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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