Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
