Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
