so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
