shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i have two assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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