Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
