I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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