Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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