So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
