You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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