Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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