i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
