Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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