I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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