Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
