ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
