Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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