I just gift wrapped bread.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
