woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
