New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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