I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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