Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
