That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
