Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
