apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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