You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
