i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
