I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
