I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
