he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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