I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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