I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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