Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
