My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
