He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My balls are so social today.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
