when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
