you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
