My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
