you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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