did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
