Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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