I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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