I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You pole danced in your parka.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
