why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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