just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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