the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
