Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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