You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
