Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
