You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just forgot I was standing up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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