ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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