So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
