we have officially lost it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
