You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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