That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
