addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
