weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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