And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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