hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
